Several days ago, while watching some quiet time Nick Jr. with my kids, Blaze and the Monster Machines I think, they asked what is the only mammal that can't jump. Of course my kids know everything and shouted out Elephant. It got me thinking, and really really searching my own soul about what it means to jump.
Literally, when I started this journey I was AFRAID to jump, both figuratively and literally. Can you imagine? Being afraid to injure yourself from just jumping? I felt the weight of my body with every step.I was afraid to take that figurative leap of faith and start to work on myself. I was afraid to dedicate time to myself for fear of sacrificing time with my family, clients, and everything else I had on my plate. When I finally started my daily at home workouts, after much coaching and guidance from my cousin, I found that my body didn't work like it used to before two babies and a terrible time with thyroid disease.
During my first week of my own challenge group, I learned that when I did my "Supermans," I would lay on top of my stomach. My stomach would literally be underneath me AND my quads while laying faced down. When I jogged, my stomach would slap on my legs and make a loud awkward noise. When I got brave enough to JUMP, it slapped and hurt.This was all before I had lost any significant amount of weight. Jumping was hard.
60 pounds later, being afraid to jump means something else to me. It no longer hurts me to jump. In fact, much of what I do as a coach involves me jumping. I am active, yes. I do those power jumps (and hate them. LOL), but I also have to consistently remind myself that my journey is not for me alone. People are watching. People are looking for guidance, leadership, friendship, and someone who understands the struggle of chronic disease, weight loss, parenting young kids born close together, and a whole slew of other things. I sometimes have to remind myself, when I JUMP and share something scary or uncomfortable, I am giving people a window into my life, not just letting the highlight reel play and so I have decided to share something I think a lot of folks struggle with.
People always think, when they see my progress photos, that my stomach is that bump in the front. They imagine that it's just fat that will eventually flatten out. Guess what? It's not just a bulging, smooth stomach - it's a LARGE SKIN FLAP. While it does have some fat in it, it's important to know that I have lost and gained 40+ pounds twice and now LOST and KEPT OFF 60 lbs in my third and final attempt (because now it's a lifestyle) at reclaiming my health. My skin laxity is bananas and while I do hide it well, my body has been through hell in the last 10 years.
Throughout this journey in the last year and a half, I have gone from an inflated balloon look to a deflated balloon, the flap has changed from being all the way around to just the front now. It does get smaller. It has been lifting marginally. It is unlikely that this skin will go away. It will (hopefully) continue to get smaller as my body fat decreases but it's very likely that I will require skin removal surgery in a few years.
Now, the fear behind jumping is less literal. Today I am jumping by sharing. I am taking a leap in hopes that I help someone else. I know it's long winded, but I want people out there to know that this is my real body. I work hard every day to heal myself and reclaim my health. That lump in my pants is my skin and a reminder of where I come from. The doubts, the haters, the people waiting for me to fail, the unsolicited opinions about my body, my food, my training, are all part of my journey. I grew two beautiful humans in there. I nursed those humans. I worked my ass off to come this far despite massive struggles with adrenal fatigue, vitamin D deficiency, lipase deficiency, and Hashimoto's disease. Seriously, my stomach has been through some crap. While that flap might not be the most sexy thing on me, I am not ashamed of myself. I love this body and I stand in my power while reclaiming it. It will get better.
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| Not Before and Afters - same day, same time, same everything. What the "flap" looks like in the pants vs. out of the pants. Evidence of hard work and how I fought off 60 pounds to date. |
So for those of you who have that flap, will likely have a flap, or who are just thinking about your own journey and struggles with "jumping," you have a safe space here and I am always ready to push you in the right direction. If you think you can't start, you can. If you think you are too big to jump, you can. If you don't think you are enough, you are! If you don't think you are strong enough to do what I have done, you are. If you are thinking about quitting, push harder! I may be a Superhero to my husband, kids, and family, but I am just Rose. I am human. I am just like you, and I know you can do this.Today I am taking that JUMP and SHARING myself and my real body here in hopes that someone sees it and feels that they CAN change, grow, get healthy, and learn to love themselves.
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